So, here I am.
On another red-eye to Georgia. Kinda seems like I’ve done this before.
Oh wait, I have. Pretty much exactly four months ago.
Four months seems like a pretty insignificant amount of time in the grand scheme of things. But oh, how things can change. And oh, how things have changed.
A couple of blog posts ago, I wrote about what my season in Gainesville, GA taught me. The Lord has worked in AMAZING ways. I know that from these four months, I am changed. I didn’t come home the same person.
Yet through of all the miracles and growth, something has been nagging me. At this point in my Race, I would’ve liked to receive the clarity I thought I needed for my future. But I haven’t.
In a recent conversation, I was asked if I knew what I would be doing after the Race. I replied with my usual string of run-on sentences that disclosed my desire to go to college, my many interests, and a variety of fields I would be interested in going into. It was a suitable answer, I thought.
In that moment I realized I hated answering like that. It seemed like some sorry attempt to portray the idea that I have it pretty much figured out, that I have it all together. It was also an attempt to please or gratify the asker of the question. And it wasn’t honest.
I added: “Actually, I’m feeling kind of lost”.
Instantly, a rush of freedom. How liberating it is when we are honest with not only others but ourselves as well!
Yes, the Lord has unmistakably and undeniably shown up in these past four months. I’ve never ever felt closer to him in my life. But the truth remains: I am lost.
Society tells us that to be lost is a thing to avoid. That to be lost means to be purposeless: a wandering soul with no destination in mind. Society looks down on the lost. Society says the lost must be on their way to being found, and if they’re not, they’ve failed.
Is it really all that bad though?
The question I’ve been asking myself lately is: what if life is found in the lostness? What if lost and found are not two separate spaces, but coexist together? By this I mean that when one is lost, could they also be found at the same time?
I think that’s the way it is living life with Jesus. People who follow the Lord often look lost. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. Sometimes, the direction the Lord gives you just doesn’t make sense in the eyes of the world. Taking a gap year instead of going to college might even look lost to some.
I’m that person taking a gap year. And like I’ve already said, I’m lost! You might be too. I think that in some way or another, we are all lost. But what if we were okay with that? What if instead of avoiding the inevitable feeling of lost at all costs, we wholeheartedly embraced it?
My sister recently shared this quote with me:
“The practice of getting lost has nothing to do with wanting to go there. It is something that happens, like it or not. You lose your job. Your lover leaves. The baby dies. At this level, the advanced practice of getting lost consists of consenting to be lost, since you have no other choice. The consenting itself becomes a choice, as you explore the possibility that life is for you and not against you, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.” –An Altar in the World, Barbara Brown Taylor
Not having a plan and a direction is hard for me. Extremely difficult. But I think I’m on my way to being okay with that. I’m on my way to consenting to being lost and just walking with Jesus. One step at a time. Doing life with him. Because, well, that’s more than enough and that’s all I want. That‘s where I’m found. I’m lost, yes, but I’m found.
In what areas do you feel lost? What steps can you take to embrace that? What is the Lord showing you through the lostness?
Thanks for following along with my journey, friend! I appreciate you. I’m on my way to Georgia where I’ll be there a few days before launching to Costa Rica! How exciting! Please pray for safe travels for my squad and I!
God bless!
Emma
ooh emma girl this is so good !!
so much truth here!
I’m honestly learning important lessons from afar alongside you and your journey, Emma. Thank you for always sharing so openly.
SO insightful, Emma! Thanks for sharing. Praying for you as you travel and make the transition to Costa Rica.
Oh Emma, articulating the words, you have done. All God requires of us is to “deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him”. You see, that’s it. It is in the contentment of being “with Jesus”, and following Him is all that is required. The feeling of “lost”, unsettled, I believe is the result of my expectations. Seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness, and then all these things will be added unto you. Thank you for your obedience to follow Him. Love you girl????
Emma you’re so wonderfully wise without even knowing it ! Being lost in Him is truly being found . His purpose becomes ours as we discover that we only want to walk through this life His way .. we will be in prayer for your trip to amazing Costa Rica ! We love you..
I’m so glad I got to be there for the lost and found talk. This blog is beautiful in so many ways but just seeing your growth face to face has been the most exciting part. Can’t wait to see you AGAIN after Costa Rica. Go bless some people girl. I love this and I love you??
You are a brave young woman, Emma, in more than one way. Thanks for sharing your heart with the whole world and me.
oceans of love,
Nana
Very insightful and oh so true Emma. Thanks for sharing your heart and your journey with Mom and I. Love…
Such wisdom in this post Emma, and a challenge to us all. “Lost is found” is true surrender to the Lord’s direction for our lives. So excited for you and the team as you launch to Costa Rica on Friday. Praying for you with a joyful expectation of all that God will do. “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Love, Nani
Oh, Emma!
what insight and what a dilemma. You have remined me of dreams and teachings from the Lord that showed me about walking by faith. Thanks for rattling my cage, and waking this old critter up. I love you, GD
Hi Emma! Wow, I really loved reading this post. I have been feeling lost like you are right now…for about two years. It can be really hard to feel lost when thinking about the future and where your life is headed. But I’ve realized that it is better to be lost (relying on God for every small step) than to be following a plan that isn’t God’s will for you. Learn to trust the next step he gives you…even if you don’t see where it’s heading! I learned this the hard way! I love your insight and wisdom that is so profound in all your posts! Keep it up girl!
– Mackaela from youth group
Yes. Frequently, when getting lost in a physical or spiritual sense, you learn your way around unknown places and the way out, then when someone else is lost they’ll come to you for help. You help them, then realize why the Lord allowed you to be lost.
This is a TERRIFIC word for ALL of us, Emma! So good, in fact, that I read it twice on different days! Thank you!! Much love to you!